Public money, two simple words but it is so meaningful. Two words that make me wake up in the midnight. The night, when all of things become clearer than before. Two words that make me understand how I study and survive here, in my college now. Two words that make me understand what the meaning of scholarship. Yah, I understand, my scholarship is their money. Indonesian public money that until now never get their right.
I’m a collegian of one public university in Indonesia. I feel so lucky because continuing study to university is not easy here. Beside we must clever in academic side, it also needs much money to pay the expensive fee because the fee of some universities in Indonesia are enough expensive. So that, many parents must prepare everything by saving much money for paying their children education in university for long time before. But, fee is not a big problem for me. It doesn’t mean that my parents are rich, no it’s wrong! It is because I get scholarship. This scholarship makes me don’t need to pay anything until I graduate from this college. I also get money every month to fulfil my daily needs. So my parents mustn’t give me money.
I feel so proud when the first time I get this scholarship. I had imagined how much money that I can get later. Beside that, I have planning to look for other scholarship in order I can get much money. The human character -greedy- had influence me. Day by day, it’s the time that I must study in the college for the first time. It’s same like I think before , I get scholarship and I get money for my daily needs every month.
As new collegian, I have a new spirit and motivation. I have many planning and dreams for my future. Such as daily, monthly, and year planning. But, planning is only planning because my spirit always fluctuative. When it is going up, I will make good planning and I try to make it comes true. But, if it is going down, the planning that I made doesn’t make me do anything, it’s useless. Unfortunately, my spirit often down so that I always doing something that useless and waste of time, moreover absent from my class often I did. I always try many ways to develop my spirit by going to the seminar, meeting and listening the experience of great people, discuss with my friends, share with my senior, etc. But it’s not help for a long time. My spirit still constant, it’s not going up.
I don’t use my scholarship economically. I usually buy several things that it is not needed for my study. So that, I always ask money to my parents every month because my scholarship can’t fulfil my daily needs. But, in my class I’m an active student. I always ask and give my opinion if there is a discussion. I like discuss about politics. For example, the rule of the government and about citizen. Every giving my opinion about the topic, I always give my criticism to the government that seldom give the public right. It seems the government is the worst and must solve all of the problems that happen in this country. I don’t think and I don’t feel that I’m same with the government that always take the public right. But in that night everything becomes clear.
In that night, my roommate studied for lesson’s tomorrow. Suddenly, she said “Hm,,, I think it’s enough for this night,,, I’m so tired and sleepy. Oh,,, no,,, no,,, no,,, it’s public money”. I heard her and I was so shock. Oh my god, I also use public money, I also get scholarship like her. What I’m doing until now? I always lazy, absent in the class, and waste my time to do something useless. It means I took the public right. Ya, I understand now. I’m same like them. I’m like the government that always takes the public right. The government that always make the public become poorer and poorer.
I never think that Indonesian people hopefully to me by giving the scholarship for me to get the true leader that doesn’t think only money and status. But, what I have been doing? I had done a big wrong. I never thing that scholarship must use for good thing and I must responsible for this later. Thank god, for your instructions for me. This public money will always become my biggest motivator between the other motivators that ever I meet before. It’s true that the biggest motivator is from ourselfs and now I have got it, it is public money.